I have been closed down to love for a long time because of hurts in the past. Things began to change when I spent four months at the start of 2007 in the Himalayas. Initially I lived for ten weeks on a tea estate near Darjeeling doing voluntary work. It turned into a profoundly introspective time. I felt alone and lonely despite being surrounded by the most wonderful people (mostly Nepalese in that part of India). I watched tourists arriving to tour the tea factory. They travelled always in couples or in groups. I was on my own and, in typical Indian fashion, had faced quite a few travel disruptions and changes to plans. I’d faced these and dealt with them alone in a strange country. I deeply felt I did not want to face these things alone anymore.
I did much thinking, writing and crying during my time in Darjeeling. I uncovered long buried wounds and issues dating back to my early teens. And I finally opened up to the idea of not going it alone anymore. I’ve always been so proud of my independence. But now I could see the value in living an interdependent life – with someone special to share the joys and sorrows. I came home with the urge to open my heart to love. I made a decision not to be alone any longer but to find a wonderful man to share my life with.
Within three weeks of returning home I met a beautiful man. After years of meeting nobody, by changing my attitude and opening up to opportunity I met someone meaningful. I couldn’t quite believe it to be honest. I know we can manifest if we are clear and give out the right messages, but even so this amazed me. We spent time slowly getting to know each other, finding so many connections between us, so many similarities and common ideals. Being with him I felt alive.
It took time, but we did eventually reach a place where we saw ourselves together as a couple. He brought me the first rosebud from his garden that day. I will never forget that day as long as I live – it was the day I thought all my dreams had finally come true. I will never forget the euphoria, the joy, the gratitude I felt knowing this wonderful man felt the same way I did.
It lasted ten days. Ten days of bliss and happiness. Then we pulled away from each other. To this day I don’t truly understand what went wrong. Our romance lasted just as long as the rosebud – it bloomed and died over that same span of time.
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