I have decided to surrender, let go. I cannot go through another weekend like the one I’ve just experienced. I know it was a huge over-reaction to events and that is what scares me so much about it.
On my birthday a few weeks ago I wrote that I was going to go with the flow from now on and accept life as it came to me. I haven’t been doing that – now I have been reminded of the fact. I have had a test thrown at me and I reacted badly.
I wrote just the other day about Buddhism and the idea that desire is the cause of all suffering and I can see that strongly applies in my life. The Buddhist approach is to work on releasing all desire by disciplining the lower vehicles (body, emotions, lower mind) and aligning with the higher mind – the mind of clear light.
I am all talk, no action most of the time. I spout all this idealistic stuff but don’t discipline myself to act on it. I have desires and expectations and it is these (and the non-fulfilment of them) that brings me pain and suffering. So I really need to let go and surrender those desires and expectations. It will not be easy by any means. In some ways I dread the process. But my current approach to life doesn’t work.
So, I release and let go of the following desires and expectations:
- To meet a wonderful man with whom I can have a fulfilling relationship
- To reach my full potential and make best use of my skills, abilities and talents
- To find mental stimulation in my paid work
- To live authentically and find my true purpose
- To increase my social circle to include more like-minded souls who can accept me for who I am
- To find my team or group – those colleagues with whom I can work to achieve something great
- To serve in the world in some way to repay all that has been given to me (I mean good stuff)
- To plumb the depths of my emotions, communicate them and not be rejected for them
- To work on my self development, becoming a better person
- To find peace, contentment and tranquillity
- To find fulfilment and meaning in my life
Some advanced Buddhist practise involves meditating on death and the breakdown and destruction of the body after death. The aim is to remove all fear of death. So I think I need to meditate on the idea that my life is all it will ever be right now. That things may never change; I will always be alone; I will never fulfil my potential; I will never discover my life’s purpose. I need to visualise life’s blows and knocks. I need to do that to accept my life today and to not always look to the future (a future that never eventuates). So that I am not knocked for a loop all the time. I do not mean to say that I am giving up – that I am defeated. No, I still have hope for better things but I need to let go of the expectation of better things. If I can accept my life right now, then, and only then, can I truly be alive.
This will be very difficult as I am stuck in many habits of thought and behaviour and I will revert naturally to these. I need to try to be mindful of everything I do, say and think. Letting go is the biggest lesson for me right now and it is a toughie. I need to let go of the idea of letting go 
> Letting go is the biggest lesson for me right now and it is a toughie.
It definetely is. I’ve been through some of that those last few months or years, do you want a bit of sharing? I would say, instead of focusing on getting rid of expectations, have you tried to free yourself from want. No, i do not really want this chocolate. My mouth is watering, but i let go. No, i do not realy want to sleep on this big confortable bed, the floor will do (it might give me pain on the morning, but pain i can handle).
Freeing myself of what i want was one of the most wonderful things i ever lived. It was like, after a long time banging my head against a wall, to give one step to the side and discovering a fissure on the wall through which i could see the valley.
People tell me this is like having an aimless life, but nothing could be further from my experience. It was the thing that allowed me to really, really wonder what are my aims.
I tell this and it might seem i am very wise, if we ever see each other “up close and personal” you’ll probably discover that i am so much more a mess than it comes through in my writing, for i do write fairly well, i guess. Life is a constant travel, don’t be too sad if you had a fall, if you reacted badly to something. If it helps, i am here (probably far far away — Brazil) hoping you “get up, shakeup the dust and come over on the upper side”.
Actually, i had been for quite a time trying to find some time to post something in my blog about yours, to have some free time to explore more of your blog, mostly for a synchronicity thing i had about white tigers, and i still have not found my time (for i am in the middle of a big big trip), and it was very exciting to have a comment from you back at the LT, even more one so flattering.
Live. Dream. You are blessed, even your pain is a blessing that tells you are alive.
Just one more thing: this is not about a big big effort. This is not about trying so hard to let go. This is about letting go, just it. If you are trying hard you are probably not doing it right. Try a different way. Change something. If you do it, it is done. Simply. Kisses.
Sometimes letting go something in ones mind can unleash a force in the universe which conspires to bring back what was let go……..
Just turn towards happiness as a valid goal and the conscious decisions to seek happiness as a natural course of your days can profoundy change the rest of your life.
I hope and wish you realize all the contentment and happiness life can bring your way…..
Godspeed.
lessertruth, you do, indeed, seem very wise. We can all seem wise in our words at times can’t we? But living it – that is the true wisdom and it seems to me you are doing so. Simplicity – that is good advice – and yes letting go shouldn’t be hard work should it? I will definitely ponder on your words and act on them if I can. Definitely you are wise
m6fan, I love that turn of phrase, ‘unleash a force in the universe’, it is so powerful and profound. There are definitely forces we don’t yet understand and don’t harness effectively in our lives. I think letting go is so simple, so difficult and yet can have far reaching effects. Seeking happiness is indeed a worthy choice.
Thank you both for your comments. I see two deep thinkers who understand how difficult and how beautiful life can be.
My dear,
If you should discover this path and walk down it, could you please come get me and show me the way? I seem to share so many of the same feelings. Most asssuredly, letting go is my biggest issue in life and love. Thank you for your insight. You always make me think. Sometimes, reading your words is like looking into my own head, only with a wise guide to show me those things I sometimes choose to ignore.
Miss Demure Restraint
How very intelligent.
My name is Mossy,
I am pleased to meet you Zenuria.
Pleased to meet you too, Mossy. I have just checked out your blog and you have helped me experience my heart
I thank you very much for that.
Once again we see that many of us cross many of the same paths.
1 step forward and 2 steps back, or 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
The journey is flow.
I love this saying despite the fact I do not always put it into practice
No expectations, no disappointment.
And the second is
The only discipline is awareness.
It seems to me your writing is your meditation, and what a beautiful way to let go.
Sharing your emotions with everyone and everyone else sharing back
Brilliant.
Brightest blessings
Miss Demure Restraint, you too know what it is to be different in a world of ‘normal’! Your words help me and I’m glad mine can assist you in small way. We are fellow journeyers and look out for each other.
99ppp, wow it seems obvious but your statement ‘your writing is your meditation’ was suddenly an epiphany to me. Thankyou. I love the way we all share and support each other. I love that I have found such wonderful kindred spirits to share the arduous journey with.
Zenuria,
Thank you for visiting my blog. I am glad to learn that it helped you experience your heart.
Hi Zenuria!
I am Sam, How did you find my blog ( although it is starting ) is it good ? Today , after reading your blog and your experience about meditation I got mental peace . Now I am a reader of your blog =:.