Oh dear. Not a good day.
I cried on my walk. I cried getting ready for work. I thought I had myself together by the time I got in the office for a 9am meeting. I know I was subdued and quiet in the meeting although I did contribute when I needed to. An hour or so later my boss was talking to me at my desk and he asked if I was ok. Well what could I do but nod – we work in an open space arrangement.
Half an hour later he called me into the meeting room and shut the door. He is a great guy. He could see I was upset and wanted to know if there was anything he, or any others, had done to upset me. I was honest with him. I told him it wasn’t just work getting to me – I had other issues. But I reiterated what I told him in my review two months ago – that I did find the work unchallenging but I also knew there was nothing to be done about it – I told him that is why I hadn’t said anything to him.
He didn’t really know where to look or what to say. He apologised for the lack of challenge (why should he? It is the job after all). He asked if I needed time off work but I said being amongst people was the best thing for me right now. He also offered me counselling (the university provides free, confidential counselling to staff members with an external company). I’ve used them before and frankly they don’t work for me. But it was nice that he cared about what was going on with me.
But how bad is that – having your boss realise you are fragile? Hope he doesn’t write me off as a neurotic wreck – this is the second time in 10 months he’s taken me aside to see if I was ok.
My tasks today consisted of entering 300 hyperlinks onto our test server – manually. And answering feedback from users. All very tedious. I did focus and get it done.
I went to another campus for a meeting this afternoon and the driver who took me raved on and on about how he and his girlfriend are going over to KI this weekend – just what I don’t need to hear about when I know P has just been over there. I spent all last weekend trying to forget about KI and he reminded me. The return driver spent the whole trip moaning to me about the company she works for.
I remember not all that long ago I was experiencing emotional tranquillity. Not any more. Where did it go?
Not a good day…
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