From note taker to film maker

Last week at work I got really angry. And I identified with that anger for a while too. I am writing a request for tender document and was involved with focus groups to identify the requirements to put in the document. This is in my area of specialty – the one I did my Master’s in. I have also done all the background research into functionality that we might want to include. But the guy running the four sessions introduced me each time as the ‘note taker’. My boss was there too, and his praises were sung, his position was identified. I didn’t rate a mention in terms of position or my role in the process other than ‘note taker’. It has actually now become a running joke in our team but at the time I was fuming. Then despair hit me. Had I done all that study, had all this experience in my field of expertise to finally end up as a note taker? It was disheartening to say the least. I’ve managed now, to let most of that anger and despair go – it did grab hold of me pretty hard for a day or so.

I do not like my job. I like my colleagues and environment but not my job. Everything seems to be tedious, repetitive and mind numbingly boring. I am one level below management (in fact many team leaders in the organisation are at the same level as me) and yet somehow I end up taking notes and minutes and writing endless sterile documentation.

I also have qualifications and some experience in multimedia development and video production. One of my dreams is to be a film maker. I’ve looked into study options many times but all involve at least 2 years of fulltime study and that I can’t afford. Friends of mine have invited me to trek to a Buddhist nunnery in the far reaches of Nepal (near the Tibetan border) next year. One of these friends has a multimedia studio and film making equipment. She has suggested we make a documentary of our trip. She has already made a few short videos for conferences. This enthuses and excites me. It is creative, and to me, meaningful. I love telling stories (hell, my own life is one big story that I get totally caught up in!) and I want to share my ideas and inspiration with the world.

I always say I don’t know what my passion is. They say to follow your dream, your passion and things will work out, doors will open. I can never settle on what my passion is. It floats and changes But the area of my Master’s Degree (online education) is really not my deepest passion. It is not creative enough. When I think of the times I have lost myself totally in my work it is when I was editing video footage; creating 3D animations; creating works of digital art; scripting and storyboarding. I don’t lose myself in designing online learning experiences although that does interest me.

And the film making idea has been with me for a long time. I watch ‘Lord of the Rings’ and long to make something like that – an epic journey saga. I love the idea of the journey we are all on.  My best friend and I spoke several years ago about filming ourselves and our journeys of personal growth. We never did and we often comment now on how much we’ve both changed since then and how it would have been fascinating to have it on film. I love documentaries and feature films and would love to make both.

My multimedia/film maker friend and I are thinking of trying to make a pitch for some funding at a documentary film makers conference next year. We may have left it a bit late to pitch at that conference, but perhaps the following year.

Now none of this is living in the moment as such. But there has to be a blend of living in the moment whilst also having dreams and goals for the future. Otherwise we’d never have the urge to better ourselves and our world.

I still believe that if I can let go, accept and surrender, whilst also having dreams (that I do NOT attach to) then the right opportunities will arise at the right time. Learn to go with the flow of life instead of fighting it.

When I think back, this is exactly the state I reached in 1997, albeit unintentionally. I had a real dream at that time to get into the multimedia industry. I was in IT as a database administrator but wanted the more creative realms. But there were no courses where I live and I didn’t have the time or money to do one even if there was. So whilst it was a dream, I was not attached to it as I didn’t expect it to ever happen.

Then some completely unexpected events occurred at work. To this day I don’t understand quite what happened. I went from being Assistant State Manager (we’ll do anything to keep you happy, you are so valuable to the company) one day to being called insubordinate and not a team player the next. Literally. No idea why. It was very stressful but resulted in my being given a huge package. So there I was, no job, lots of time and lots of cash and two weeks later I discovered that a brand new multimedia course was being offered in my area. I was in the course within a few weeks of leaving work. Circumstances just conspired to give me my dream. Within one single month my life completely changed. It can and does happen. And it can and will happen again