At lunchtime I again walked along the beach. Tide was way out, seaweed washed up high and there I am, in my work clothes, climbing through piles of seaweed and stepping tentatively through pools of stranded seawater.
The sea is very calm today, the sky grey. I would have liked to stay all afternoon staring out toward that blue-grey horizon. Apart from the chilliness and a biting wind.
One of those days where you don’t want to think or act, just stare at the view and detach from the world. Descend into blankness.
I am readjusting to life without Rajah. Sadness still engulfs me sometimes. I feel envious when I see people walking their dogs along the beach and I avoid the pet aisle in the supermarket. I’m not brooding over it – just accepting of the feelings as they arise. This morning I awoke with a strong conviction that I’d done the right thing by Rajah – I think I’d had a dream or an insight in my sleep. I don’t ever rationally doubt my choice, but a part of me feels I abandoned him. I’ve always been strongly committed to my dogs and to give my puppy away doesn’t sit easily despite the extenuating circumstances.
However, life goes on.
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