It is nearly midnight. I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop calling out “why”?
Somehow that bottomless well of grief has again opened up.
I am suffering from shock. I can’t get warm, even in bed with my wheat bag, I shiver. I got up and made myself a stiff brandy and gulped that down. I’ve sobbed myself nearly senseless. How I wish right now there was someone here to give me a hug, to hold me and comfort me. I guess the brandy will have to do.
It makes me question everything. I know not to expect rhyme or reason in this world we live in. I know there are no answers to the question, “why”? It is what it is. I must just accept what comes.
I am so sick and tired of grief. I finally am getting back on track and feeling happy and excited about life. This knocks me sideways, only temporarily I hope. It opens up a can of worms. I know the grief I feel is not just for Rajah – it is the culmination of everything. Everything I’ve experienced and somehow everything every human has ever experienced. How easy it is to tap into that well.
Now I just want to sleep, to reach oblivion. Maybe dream of my little puppy, happy and carefree, playing as he did in his typical puppy fashion.
My deepest condolences for your loss.
In order to heal it we need to let it wash over us and then let it go…..
More (((HUGS))
Am sorry for your loss and the way that it’s tapped into all the other losses that you’ve got. Sometimes we need to know that going right ahead and grieving is the right thing – do not ask for permission for this from anybody. Not that I think you do… but just in case, hey?
I hope you’ll emerge stronger, if slightly dented, from going through your agony.
You have my sympathies and thoughts…
For me also it is happening…………
We both need just a (HUG) and donno so many people are around us, but still that craveness for just one hug!! I can’t understand!
((HUGS)) for you on the way….
take care Dear~
If virtual hugs can help in any way, I am sending you loads of them.
Seriously, my heart goes out to you, Zen. It really does. Here, another hug!
Ph
I know the grief I feel is not just for Rajah – it is the culmination of everything. Everything I’ve experienced and somehow everything every human has ever experienced. How easy it is to tap into that well.
Zen, you have said it all–you need not explain a thing more; that grief is so personal, and yet also exactly as you have just said here. I grieve with you, and for you.
It is just so hard. Peace, my beautiful friend.
–Pearl
This is obviously a hard time for you. Going through your past and present hurts just when you thought that you were coming into your own, again…
There are no easy words that you want to hear, and none that I want to offer. I meant what I said earlier and as you grieve and piece yourself back together again…
Take the time to clean your wounds before you let them close… And don’t forget the folk out here who read your words and support you despite the distances we cover.