Relationships

A friend sent me an email today that contained the following quote:

God  doesn’t give you the people you want, He gives you the  people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave  you, to love you and to make you into the person you  were meant to be.

This makes sense to me and reflects not only my reality but my thinking as it is evolving. Interestingly enough it is evolving to include a point of view I used to hold dearly but have tended to repress of late.

About relationships. I read an article on the weekend that reminded me of what I’ve thought all along. That relationships are the way we learn about ourselves and grow. But self growth and self development do not promote stability in relationships, and we need to be prepared to let go of them when their purpose is served. Whether that takes a lifetime or a short time. Too many hang on to relationships well past their useful life. People get stuck in comfort zones and are too scared to take the leap into the unknown alone. I can understand that very much.

The article said that we are caught up in what society promotes, aided by the media, the arts and the new age movement. It is hard to break free from the old ideals of a lifelong marriage, the happy ever after scenario, or the ‘one true love’ or ’soul mate’ ideal. I don’t think these are healthy thoughtforms for us to conform to in the modern age. I’m not saying you can’t have these things but to expect them, even demand them, is counter productive to our development. I’ve bought into it myself. I do believe in commitment and interdependence. I do believe that you can have a great relationship that grows along with the two involved and can perhaps last the rest of your life. But if we take a look around us this doesn’t happen all that often anymore. But we expect that once we’ve found ‘the one’ it will be everlasting, and so it becomes painful and sometimes impossible to walk away when the karmic debts have been paid off. Because many relationships are exactly that – we come together to redress the balance of karma – and to learn a particular lesson. Once done, the relationship may have no need for existence. But so many of us cling to the other person or the institution of marriage itself, because society at large still says that is what one should do.

The same site also had an article that addressed an astrological aspect I have (Jupiter conjunct the descendent). It said that this commonly meant that great learning came through intimate relationships but often meant multiple, serial relationships rather than one long lasting one.  I hadn’t heard that interpretation before.

Self growth is not comfortable. It is not painless. Many avoid it at all costs. Others embrace it. More still probably strike a balance. If relationships are a way to facilitate self development by mirroring then possibly more, rather than less, are useful in these days of growing self awareness. The article described it as serial monogomy. It isn’t promoting dashing out and having multiple intimate relationships simultaneously (although why not if it serves the purpose) nor is it promoting hurting others. But I do feel strongly about people who try to protect others from hurt, thereby not allowing them the opportunity to explore all aspects of life and of their own psyches. I’m talking about adults here by the way – not children who do need to be protected to some degree.

I do not advocate deliberately hurting others or being totally self centred. But I also do not advocate martyrdom and self sacrifice if there is actually no growth potential in it for those involved. Ultimately, we are all attempting to find our way back to that perfect everlasting relationship – with our own soul. It might not sound all that sexy but it is what we all crave deep down even though we often don’t realise it. And our relationships with others is meant to facilitate that journey back to our own Selves and to help us to open up our hearts.

So yes, I do believe ‘God’ gives us who we need in our lives at any given time. The task before us is to decide what role those people are to play and how we can mutually benefit each other. This is something I am pondering on a lot right now. So often we interpret attraction at the sexual and romantic levels (perhaps those are the issues we are still working on) when quite possibly there is some higher purpose for our union. I think the energy flows to the chakras that are ‘needy’ or unfulfilled and in need of healing. That can distract us from the real purpose of a relationship. But until those lower needs are fulfilled I wonder if we can operate at the higher energetic levels.

It is a complex process being a human being in the 21st century.

Haphazard thoughts

Can you tell I am in an angsty phase? I always write more when so. Happiness does not impel me to pick up the pen or sit at the keyboard.

Right now it is the search for meaning that causes me to feel this way. I am still bargaining with the universe. I feel I’ve made so many changes and done so much work on myself in the past few years only to be back at square one – certainly in the external sense. Internally I know I have grown and developed but so far it is not reflected back to me by my surroundings. And in a very arrogant way I feel entitled to some happiness as a reward for all my efforts. I realised the other day that I was actually a happier person when P was in my life even though that relationship wasn’t quite what I would have liked to have in my life.

Last night my (also single) friend asked me if I would rather be in a bad relationship or be alone. Well that seems a no brainer at first glance – but how do you define a bad relationship? With P, it was never a bad relationship but it was less than I wanted in my life. And right now I think it was better to have a less than satisfactory relationship than to have none as I do now. Not that I am planning on contacting P or want something similar in the future. But I miss that masculine presence in my life very much. He might not have been there very often but he did bring something wonderful into my life that now is missing. No regrets, I wouldn’t change the outcome if I could, but it makes me realise that nothing is black and white, good or bad.

I just feel I am at a place I’ve been so many times before – working in a job that doesn’t satisfy or fulfil me and where I am often excluded from the team by the boss. No relationship and none in sight. My social circle has dwindled – for one of the first times ever I have no male friends. I always had male friends but they are all now gone. Friendships and connections that I tried to nurture have disappeared somehow and I find my attempts to meet new friends thwarted.

Oh doesn’t it sound like a personal pity party? Woe is me!! Yes it is a phase, one I’ve visited and sat in many times before. One I have never enjoyed and don’t now. Still it is where I am in life. I seem to be one of those people that can’t direct or control life events – things come to me I don’t go to them. It has always been like that. Others can make plans, set goals and achieve them. They are more active. I am more passive – opportunities come to me without my having to do anything much. There are advantages to both approaches. When opportunity favours me I am very grateful to be this type of person. In the quiet times though, I have to sit and wait patiently (something I am not good at) because nothing I do seems to change the outcome or circumstances. It is all in the timing.

I was interested to learn, long after I noticed this pattern in my life, that my astrology actually confirms this pattern.It is a very internally focussed chart where things happen to you rather than you going out and making things happen. Like I said in an earlier post, we have to live within the context of who we are (and this is not necessarily defined by our astrological charts by any means) and what works in our lives. No point trying to be something you clearly are not.

[For the astrologers:] The only planets I have above the horizon are in the 12th house and the predominant placement of planets is in cadent houses. And I have a very strong inward facing fourth quadrant (4th-6th houses).

• Pluto, Uranus, Mars in the 12th (Pluto conjunct Virgo Asc)
• Moon/Neptune conjunction in the third
• Venus conjunct IC in the fourth
• Sun, Mercury, South Node, Saturn in the 5th
• Jupiter/ Chiron conjunction in the 6th (Jupiter sits right on my Desc but 4 minutes into the 6th)
• Oh and Mercury, Mars and Pluto are all retrograde…

I am Capricorn, hear me bleat

I got into astrology in my mid 30s. Prior to that I was a total skeptic. I was born when the sun was transitting the sign of Capricorn. I was a very mature, serious, responsible child – teachers pet – and often left in charge of the class. I used to supervise my brother, who is four years older than me and a reckless Leo , crossing the road.

But when I was older and learnt about the sun signs I didn’t feel I was a Capricorn at all. I much preferred Aquarius and felt that was more my style. (Mercury in Aquarius). I rejected anything to do with power and authority – suppressed it – because in my mind it was ‘bad’ and used for the wrong purposes.

I was very confused about my identity for years. It was only through discovering and learning about astrology that I started to own and understand the different parts of my personality and psyche. All those buried traits – ambition, power – were festering under the surface but unexpressed.

I am a Capricorn. I am not only a Capricorn, I am many things. The rest of my astrology influences me greatly too. But I believe I chose to be born as a Capricorn to have access to those energies and characteristics. There is a reason I am Capricorn. I should accept and use those energies and not repress them. I was operating from other parts of my chart – particularly the moon – not my sun sign. That is not healthy in astrological terms. The sun describes our personality and the tools we have at our disposal to do whatever it is we came in to do.

I was born a woman. I cannot change this. I was born a caucasian. No matter what I do I cannot become an African. I was born into a celtic heritage. I can’t become Greek or Swedish no matter what I do or wish or visualise. I was also born a Capricorn. These are all the non negotiables in my life. These are the structures that I need to operate within. I shouldn’t let any of them restrict me, but I need to take them into account and work from within these structures. Denying them or repressing them just doesn’t help.

When I freed myself up to explore who I really am, and stopped repressing things, I realised that I am a Capricorn, always have been. Those traits associated with Capricorn are not ones I took on – they are who I am. And not expressing them causes me pain. In my personal life they don’t matter so much – but in my career they are not expressed fully and that is hard. I actually rejected being a Capricorn for many years and tried to be happy focussing on the more fun, creative stuff (which is also part of my makeup). The thing is I have to take the totality of who I am, and the skills, attributes and talents that I have, into consideration. There is no point my attempting to become an opera singer or an elite athlete – that just isn’t within my capabilities. I don’t believe any amount of visualisation or ‘acting as if’ will change that.

Do you find though, that most of us don’t actually want to be or do something that is outside our capabilities? We have innate characteristics that long to be expressed and utilised. I believe the key to a happy, healthy life, is knowing ourselves well enough to recognise what we can and can’t do – and to focus on what we can do. To recognise and accept the limitations we operate within – for we all have limitations – and not try to become someone we are clearly not suited to be.

I have drive and ambition. I have creativity and imagination. I have a poetic, romantic side and a tough as nails side. I am hard and soft. I finally like who I am – all of me – all parts of me. I try not to repress any part of my personality or psyche anymore. I am a complex, unique person (as we all are) who is looking to make the best use of the equipment she has been born with and has honed along life’s journey.

Freedom or romance? Idealism or individuality?

This time last year I was deeply sad. I’m affected by sadness again today although it isn’t as deep. A year ago, last night, P and I had our “I can’t do this” talk. We had just started a new relationship, full of promise, and after 10 short days he said those words to me. I plunged into a well of melancholy but it was, in some strange way, also profoundly beautiful and moving. It was a strange time in my life.

Today the sadness is that I still haven’t found what I’m looking for and I wonder will I ever? Yes, P is still in my life but we don’t share our lives. I have no real idea what goes on for him on a day to day basis, nor he for me. We keep loosely in touch only. It fills me with sadness that, in my eyes, we had so much potential that we never put to the test.

I delude myself about him, I know that. I still have some starry eyed illusions buried deep in some quiet part of me. I delude myself that, in his own way, he loves me. There I’ve finally admitted it. Love takes many forms and I kid myself that he feels some form of it for me. Because deep down I believe that love is all that matters. Being together doesn’t matter as much as love. That is why the star crossed lovers theme moves me so much. If love is the strongest thing in the universe then separation doesn’t matter.

I am an idealist. An incurable romantic. But the fact I am feeling sadness shows I am starting to strip away some of those illusions I carry. This week the crude thought popped into my head that P is just a guy who comes and fucks me occasionally. The reality isn’t quite as crude as that but perhaps its not far off it. It is not a nice thought but I think it marks a step on the way, a pulling away of a layer of the veil that hides the truth from me. I’m sure he’d be horrified if I put it that way.

I’m sad I’ve fallen into the same pattern again – the part time, secretive affair. You know, I doubt you could set out to manifest these relationships if you tried and yet I manage to accumulate one after the other. Last night there was a bitterness about it. Today it is just sadness. The bitterness is not directed toward P, but I do realise I let him have it all on his own terms. He makes no compromises for me – none. That isn’t real love – not the kind I am interested in anyway.

I’m taking a long time to learn this lesson. To an outsider it is all blindingly obvious. It is even obvious to me if I take an objective look. Yet it is near impossible to look at your own life objectively and clearly except in the odd flash of insight.

I feel in some ways I’ve let down that soft, romantic part of me. I promised myself no more of this sort of relationship when I was in India last year. I meant it too but somehow I slipped into one again. I thought it was different this time (a familiar refrain?) with P because we were headed down the full-on committed relationship path. By the time we changed direction it was too late; I’d already fallen head over heels for him. My idealistic, romantic part has been let down again – not getting the great love affair she craves.

Battling with the soft side is the breezy, free wheeling aspect that wants her freedom at all costs and doesn’t want to be tied down. She has a deep fear of being trapped and confined. I have externalised that side of myself by attracting P who embodies that fear of commitment.

These parts of myself (I think of them as sub personalities) are young and driven by subconscious fears and yearnings. Rationally and consciously I can recognise that a commitment doesn’t equal imprisonment. But the subconscious side still rules the show. The romantic subpersonality wants to merge with someone else – become one with them and lose all sense of a separate identity. No wonder these two are in conflict. One fiercely proclaims and fights for her individuality and freedom, whilst the other wants no separation and a total connection.

Astrologically clothed, these subpersonalities are Moon conjunct Neptune (the soft, romantic side) and Venus in Sagittarius square Uranus (freedom girl). Neither are particularly healthy or functional as they currently operate in my life. I need to find a balance between them. My Venus is in the fourth house (home and family) so she could settle down, whilst my Moon/Neptune is in Scorpio which is incredibly strong and powerful. Moon lives in my third house of communication which is a more mental approach to counteract the intense emotion of Moon, Neptune and Scorpio. There is hope.

Friday evening

Friday evening at home. A good day today. Everyone at work was in a frisky mood and we spent time being very mature and professional this morning, throwing squeeze balls at each other and attempting to knock a football off the partition. I can be quite silly at times and I was even called a ratbag by a colleague Who moi?

Twice I found myself in the tea room with B and we seemed to fall back into our chatty, flirty style with each other. We keep edging around the topic of relationships with each other which is quite interesting. Today it was comments on rich, aging men who take up with much younger women – B assured me he wasn’t interested in young bimbos (not that he is exactly aging I have to say – he’s only in his late 30s). I assured him I wasn’t interested in rich men particularly (although I have no real aversion to a man having money I must say )

Not much planned for the weekend. Another massage tomorrow and then perhaps another movie. Nothing for Sunday except perhaps I might take myself on a bushwalk. Another quiet, potentially slow weekend. Where have all my friends gone lately I wonder? Next weekend I’m seeing P and another friend wants to catch up (same day I think).

Acceptance. That is where I am at. Next week Saturn crosses my Ascendant (that is pretty significant – only happens every 29 years). I am having a guided meditation to try to make the most of the opportunities.

Thursday nights I still go to my study/meditation class and I’m quite amazed now at the sorts of things that come through sometimes. I had a voice saying to me the other night, they are not all connected yet. So last night I asked who was not connected. Turns out it is the team of people I am to work with on the physical plane – and there are 17 of them. Then I was told how to attempt to connect them up! Cool stuff. I love it. I have been yearning for my ‘team’, my ‘group’, my ‘ashramic colleagues’ for quite a while now. The ones with whom I am going to find and manifest my purpose. When I think of this aloneness I often feel I realise it isn’t just, deep down, the desire for a partner, it is also the desire for my group.

So now I’m going to post this and then go and read Esoteric Psychology Volume II by Alice Bailey. I love the way it explains the stages as we grow and evolve, and I like to try to pinpoint the stage I am at – then everything makes sense. I think I am making inner progress but often it isn’t reflected in the outer world. Then I read up on it and find that what I experience is often a sign that things ARE moving and shaking.

My Scorpio Moon

In astrology, the moon represents your mother, your roots, your basic needs and emotions. It also represents how you nurture others. It is the storehouse of your karmic past and links you to your ancestors and past lives. It represents your deepest need. Where it is placed in the chart gives much information about all of these things.

At the time of my birth, the Moon was in the constellation of Scorpio. It is placed in my third house – the house dealing with communication.

Today I woke up thinking about my moon placement, especially after my meltdown yesterday. It was quite clear to me on awaking that the moon represents my deepest need. And for me, with the moon in Scorpio in the third house my deepest need might be expressed as:

I need emotional passion and intensity and won’t be satisfied or fulfilled with anything less. I need to explore the extreme depths of my emotions and share and communicate about them.

It’s a bit like a mission statement. My extreme frustration at times comes from the very fact that I am not able to do this as much as I need. It is a basic fundamental need in me. And it needs to find an outlet in all areas of my life – not just one on one with a man.

About.com astrology says: In work and romance, they’ll need many outlets for that reservoir of emotional intensity.

Scorpio moon can be very possessive, jealous, obsessive and vengeful. I have seen this side of my nature in the past – in one relationship in particular. The person I became scared me so much that I avoided relationships after that for seven years. I will admit to having a very obsessive streak in my nature. I am working very hard now to keep this side under control. This is the very depth of emotion I am talking about – it can be dark and nasty. I don’t want to express that side actively in my life now, but I do need to acknowledge it is there and not repress it.

We Scorpio moons go to extremes. I very rarely fall in love. I very rarely am even interested in someone romantically. But when I am, boom! And when they don’t – can’t – love me back the way I love them I can fall into deep despondency. Perhaps I need to team up with a fellow Scorpio moon partner.

I probably should be working in a more Scorpionic career to allow for the outlet of this intensity. Psychologist, physician, actor, detective, psychiatrist, spiritualist, military officer. The work I have enjoyed the most involved problem solving (investigation) – gathering all the facts, working out what has gone wrong, and finding the solution. I was very good at that too. That is the only kind of detail work I enjoy – when it means fixing something that isn’t right or finding a (better) way to do something. Boring, routine work is like a living death for me. That may sound overdramatic but hey, I am a scorpio moon after all – we feel things intensely.

My childhood dream was to become an actor. At primary school I was always writing and starring in classroom plays. I believe I was quite good too. My mother used to die of embarrassment when I played the nagging wife/mother as she thought everyone would think I was copying her. I wasn’t. She wasn’t like that at all. But I just instinctively knew how to play it. My acting ambitions were put to bed when I was bullied just prior to entering my teens. I lost all confidence and, whilst I was in a few plays through high school, I never took on any lead and just wanted to blend into the background and not be centre stage. Although part of me still craved it of course.

I think it is a bit too late for me to take Hollywood by storm now :-) I can tell you though; I would have been a dramatic actor – no comedy for me. I would have chosen films like ‘The English Patient’, deep, dark, intense and ultimately tragic.

My main outlet has always been journaling. I love to write. I write my emotions. I write my experiences. I write my thoughts. The scorpio moon is scared of the intensity of their experience and tries to hide it – but it needs an outlet. Mine has always been writing. But with the third house placement I have a need to communicate my experience too – and be accepted for it. Thank goodness for blogging. I have to stay anonymous on here because I am a secretive scorpio moon, but I need to let it all out and not be judged or condemned. And thank you to you all for being so supportive and understanding. It heals me deeply each time one of you comments and shows me you accept me. It wasn’t enough to just write in my private journals (which I would die sooner than have my family and friends read) because communication needs reciprocal action. Give and take. To and fro, back and forth. And you, my friends, give me that. I am eternally grateful. I did use to daydream about my journals being published one day, long after my death.

I write short stories sometimes and even they have deep, dark themes. Death, birth, imprisonment.

I do experience deep emotional intensity when P and I make love – we communicate on a non verbal level. But it isn’t matched by our words and actions outside of the bedroom – he keeps me at arms length and I respond to that by keeping him at arms length too. I don’t want to – but a Scorpio Moon is not going to make her feelings known unless she senses they are reciprocated, and even then she’ll wait for him to speak first. And there is an element of pride in there too – I don’t want to admit I have deeper feelings than he does. The thing is, a Scorpio moon probably always has deeper feelings than their partner unless they also have a similar theme in their chart.

Secrecy is a very scorpionic key word. My relationships have always had a secretive element to them for one reason or another. Never out in the open in the plain light of day where everyone can see. The secrecy adds excitement for a while, but ultimately it is a strain. Scorpio moon needs to find a safe place to just let loose, let go and not try to hide the depths all the time. I have spent a lifetime bottling things up and that has led to depression. Now I long for things to be out in the light of day; relationships and emotions. In a safe environment of course.

Everyone has different needs, represented by their moon. Unless those deepest needs are met in some area of life, great strain and frustration seems to be felt. Scorpio moons never do it easy anyway; always there seem to be blocks and obstacles in the way. And everything is magnified and intensified by the scorpio energy.

Not everyone accepts astrology and that is fine by me. But for me it explains so much about myself and hence I can understand what is going on. It is investigative and psychological in approach and that is a big part of why I love it so much. Scorpio is the sign of tests and of self growth. It is a hard sign to deal with, but it can bring great rewards if one perseveres and learns the lessons.

I find the following description of a Scorpio Moon rather beautiful so I wanted to include a part of it here.

To understand the depth of the Scorpio Moon person, sit and gaze upon a candle light and imagine the flame as the flame that burns within the pit of your Soul.

The flame is hypnotic; it draws you deeply into a trance. Going deeper and deeper. You feel the power and heat. You marvel at the simple beauty and grace as it transforms its shape.

This is the power of the Scorpio Moon person. Strength, beauty, grace and the Power to create or destroy. But, like the candle flame, you can’t touch them.

New definitions of relationship

I’ve been thinking a lot about these new developments with P. There must be a term or a name for this new sort of ‘relationship’ or ‘friendship’ or whatever it is. There are obviously the crude ones – “friends who fuck” or “fuck buddies” – but this is actually a bit different somehow. It really needs to be defined with a term of its own I think. It isn’t a traditional relationship but it is more than a friendship – even a friendship with sex.

The dynamic here is different to how it was with S. It is on a different level than that was – more intense, more deep, more emotional. Perhaps there should be a sliding scale of descriptions from platonic friendships through to committed marriages. I am half joking of course but I seriously do think we are redefining relationships in the Aquarian age and the old rules don’t apply and the old traditional relationship ideas don’t work all the time anymore.

I seriously believe that the “boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married and live together happily every after” scenario won’t meet the needs of many people in the future. It is still the default model – the normative one – but I think more and more people are finding it unsatisfactory – not because they have the wrong partner or won’t work on the relationship – but just because it is only one of many possible alternatives that we haven’t quite pinned down yet.

As always I turn to astrology to see if it holds any clues to the situations I find myself in. And of course it always does. Looking at our individual charts and looking at our composite chart (and synastric connections) I find that one of the major defining things in the connection between P and myself is Venus squaring Uranus. We each have it in our natal charts and it flows through to our composite chart. In our synasty we have trine and sextile aspects between our Venus and Uranus positions. Venus, as the planet of love and relationships is heavily influenced by Uranus for us both and our relationship.

Uranus is an electric, eccentric, unconventional planet. It loves freedom and hates restriction. It strives to find better conditions. It is dynamic and strikes suddenly like lightning.

Put these two together and you get the following sorts of effects. P and I were both born with Venus squaring Uranus so the following describes part of our basic attitude and approach:

• need for stimulation and the need to break the rules with regards to love and romance
• on-again off-again energy when it comes to matters of the heart
• “absence makes the heart grow fonder” attitude
• maintaining long-distance or otherwise erratic relationships
• abrupt beginnings and endings in relationships
• disdain for conventional, traditional, or otherwise “normal” relationships
• need to learn to balance the need for closeness and the need for freedom
• strong attraction to all that is different, and all that “shouldn’t” be done in love and in sex
• tendency to react spontaneously and intensely to others
• marked emotional impulsiveness
• delight in defying convention
• love feelings are easily aroused
• romantic relationships begin with suddenness
• marked inner craving for emotional excitement and a need to feel spontaneous and free.

(Paraphrased from Cafe Astrology)

In our composite chart – which is the chart of our relationship – the Venus square Uranus aspect manifests in the following way:

This relationship will always have a highly unstable, unpredictable tone, an electric quality that is exciting but not especially soothing or peaceful.

You may see one another on an irregular basis, or have numerous separations and reunions, or for some other reason be unable to establish a steady rhythm and togetherness.

Freedom, openness, and a spirit of adventure (particularly regarding sexuality and intimate relationships) will be a must in this relationship.

Attempts to solidify or pin one another down will actually work against the essential nature and purpose of this relationship, which is to relate to one another without a great deal of structure or expectations.    (From Cafe Astrology)

Uranus is a relatively recently discovered planet so it didn’t impact on people’s lives at all for aeons, but now more people are becoming sensitive to its vibes and it won’t allow conventionality and demands freedom. Looking around me I see many traditional relationships failing but many people don’t understand why. I think there is still very definitely a place for traditional committed relationships, but no longer will that idea meet the needs of all. We all know people who are labelled ‘commitment-phobe’ (myself included probably). We see it as a problem and an issue. But perhaps they are just heavily influenced by Uranian energy and don’t want to be tied down. They may still want love, affection, intimacy and sex but do not want to give up their freedom.

Come back in 100 years time and I reckon we’ll see a whole suite of different types of relationships – something to meet the needs of everyone.

Sunday evening

My Sunday turned out ok in the end. I met up with my friend at 4pm at a cafe. We sat outdoors as it was still warm enough to do that. We have very similar beliefs and outlook on life and have studied similar spiritual traditions. We speak the same language. She is a person of great integrity and has always been honest and open in her relationships. She is single but that is through choice rather than circumstances. I find her a very warm, wise and giving person. We talked a lot about integrity and behaving authentically.

Around 6.30pm I felt someone staring at us. I looked up and there was another friend of mine who I hadn’t seen for several months. He came and joined us and it was so lovely to see him. He also is a man I admire with great integrity and spirituality. He is one of the best astrologers in Australia (although he is an American). So the three of us sat there discussing astrology, Buddhist high tantra meditation and other esoteric subjects. I was in my element. I love talking to people about these things.

Another fabulous man told me recently that he saw my spirituality as the love of my life. This man is a clairvoyant (again originally an American) who now lives in Europe. I have spoken to him several times by phone. He is amazing. I love these kind of people. I like people who see the world in non-traditional, non-conservative ways. Especially if they have the good of mankind in mind. And I do believe that my spiritual and service practice are more important than my own petty, personal issues.

My astrologer friend mentioned that the energies have been really tough lately – especially over Easter. Partly it was the Aries full moon (energies are always more full on at this time with the Sun having direct access to the Earth) and partly the triggering of some recent eclipse points.

The afternoon and evening flew talking to these wonderful people. In just over three weeks time I will be in Phoenix, Arizona for a conference on these very topics. Ten days with a whole bunch of like-minded people from around the world. I may have mentioned before that this is all to do with the Ageless Wisdom teachings (also known as the Trans Himalayan Wisdom teachings) and the works of Alice Bailey. It is related to Theosophy for anyone who knows about that.

There is also a new project soon to be starting up here in Australia to do with passing on knowledge of this tradition. It will probably start with internet classes and a website and I have volunteered my services. I am very excited and looking forward to getting involved in a meaningful and worthwhile project. This is the sort of stuff I was born to do I think.  If only I can get my emotional/physical desire life under control. 

Intolerance and Truth

How ironic. There is one thing I am really intolerant of. Intolerance.

Although I have grown up in Australia, my roots still lie strongly buried in the soil of Northern Ireland. The majority of my family still live there. I have been back to visit several times. I have seen the damage caused in Belfast by religious intolerance. I have seen the impact it has had on my own family. An interfaith marriage caused many dramas for many years. Some of the ramifications of that echo on to this day.

Intolerance can take many forms – religious, racial, scientific, philosophical, gender, sexual persuasion and so on. Intolerance means focussing on differences between ‘us’ and ‘them’. Intolerance is when you disagree with someone else’s views and decide they don’t have a right to hold those views.

In my own opinion, I have no problem with anybody holding different views and beliefs provided they don’t hurt anyone. Provided they practise harmlessness. I don’t even mind if they tell me I am wrong in my beliefs provided they respect my right to hold them.

I believe in science. I believe in evolution. Yet I also believe in karma, reincarnation and astrology. Things that haven’t YET been scientifically proven accurate or true. But I have a friend who mocks me and ridicules me for these beliefs. He doesn’t agree. I don’t mind that he doesn’t agree, but I do object to being ridiculed. I don’t have a blind belief in these things because someone told me to. I believe them because I have accumulated evidence that fits my own ‘criteria’ of the truth.

I was always sceptical of astrology. I am fairly sceptical by nature. Ten years ago an astrologer read my chart for me and could tell me exactly the way my mind worked, the thought patterns I tended to have and the way I approached life. She didn’t know me. But she was spot on. She could see things that nobody else knew about me. So I got interested and started to research and learn for myself. All I have learnt has only reinforced the accuracy of astrology in my own life. So I choose to believe in it because it works for me and it makes my life easier to understand. Contradictions in my character are there in the chart. It is a tool that helps me make sense of my world.

There is much more out there that is valid than has been proved by the scientific community at this time. I prefer to keep an open mind about things and see if they ring true for me. That doesn’t mean they are true – just true for me. We all see the world through different lenses. We all have different world views. None of us are wrong and none of us are right. We just need to be true to ourselves and ensure we hurt nobody else because of our beliefs.

We, as humans, have much more in common with each other than we have differences. Why don’t we focus on that side of things? I bet if aliens invaded the planet tomorrow we’d suddenly all be human-centric and little things like colour, gender, sexual orientation and religious beliefs would suddenly cease to be so important.

I believe there are many paths to Truth. Truth is what matters at the end of the day. Ultimate Truth. But I don’t think any of us alive on the planet are wise enough at this point in time to determine what the ultimate truth is. We are all searching for it in our own ways. I just wish we could all respect each other for being on the same quest even if we take different paths.

But the irony of my being intolerant of intolerance is not wasted on me

Its a blog!!!

Nectarfizz and Zenuria are proud to announce the arrival of their bouncing baby blog – The Cappy Chronicle. Born at 6:16:05 am UTC on January 8th 2008, another Capricorn enters the family.

This bouncing baby is doing well and has already grown two chapters. Nectarfizz and Zenuria are already experiencing sleepless nights

The Cappy Chronicle (or TCC as N and Z fondly call it) has both sun and moon in Capricorn with Sagittarius rising. Any astrologers are welcome to leave comments on TCC’s chart.

The chart comes courtesy of the Astrodienst website. Check it out – its fantastic.